I want to start this by talking a little about guilt. We all experience it at sometime or another. Mum’s feel guilt all the time. Today for instance. I felt guilt when I dropped my 2 1/2 year old son off at family day care this morning. He likes going, don’t get me wrong, but he flips the guilt switch on me even before we go, and once we arrive he clings onto me like a baby Koala. I leave feeling guilty. On top of my mum guilt, today is my 42nd birthday. I feel guilty because I should be spending it with my son and hubby. Instead I’m enjoying me time, but feeling guilty for doing so! To be 100% honest with you, I had a funeral to attend today, but couldn’t make it due to the extreme heat outside (40 degrees Celsius). Guilt about not being able to attend. Argh! It never ends. Is all this guilt normal? I don’t know, but what I do know is that it’s normal for me.
Turning 42 and the prospect of having a funeral to go to today makes one contemplate life. The lady that passed had MS too. She was only 52. 10 years older than I am… She was not the usual case of MS, she was pretty severe and for as long as I knew her (5 years) she had been in a wheelchair. Her husband cared for her and the last two years of her life was a living hell by the sounds of it. I hadn’t seen her in the last two years, so when I heard about her death I was in shock. She had been quite frail when I knew her, and I met her through a friend who has MS too. I met with her MS friends early on when I was diagnosed, we’d meet for lunch and they’d catch up with each other and I usually sat and listened. I enjoyed being a part of this little group though. It was lovely to hear about the plans they all had for the future and things they had done in the past. We’d chat about progressions in MS research we’d heard and shared diet tips. I was in my MS diet full swing by the time we last met… I feel bad that I couldn’t make it to her funeral.
Getting back to the contemplation part, I have decided to make the most of life. To not wait for opportunities to arrive, to not keep something for a special occasion, to never give up. My life’s motto now will be Carpe Diem! Seize the day! (Thanks to my Year 11 Literature teacher for showing us Dead Poets Society). I know a lot of people have this motto, I’m not going to be selfish, I will just make the most of my life and make it worth living. I’m currently doing my vision board and will have to add Seize the Day to it! I need to remain positive to have a positive outlook to life!
Today is day 1 of my new life! My current lifestyle as of today, is healthier, fitter, more aware, less angry, less guilty (I had to add that one in) and more of what I enjoy! For some reason being a mum doesn’t mean you have to give up everything you like doing! You need to find a way to do things the things you love – find the time, do it with your child, do it while they are playing, do it once they are asleep, just do it whenever, wherever you can!!