I want to start this by talking a little about guilt. We all experience it at sometime or another. Mum’s feel guilt all the time. Today for instance. I felt guilt when I dropped my 2 1/2 year old son off at family day care this morning. He likes going, don’t get me wrong, but he flips the guilt switch on me even before we go, and once we arrive he clings onto me like a baby Koala. I leave feeling guilty. On top of my mum guilt, today is my 42nd birthday. I feel guilty because I should be spending it with my son and hubby. Instead I’m enjoying me time, but feeling guilty for doing so! To be 100% honest with you, I had a funeral to attend today, but couldn’t make it due to the extreme heat outside (40 degrees Celsius). Guilt about not being able to attend. Argh! It never ends. Is all this guilt normal? I don’t know, but what I do know is that it’s normal for me.
Turning 42 and the prospect of having a funeral to go to today makes one contemplate life. The lady that passed had MS too. She was only 52. 10 years older than I am… She was not the usual case of MS, she was pretty severe and for as long as I knew her (5 years) she had been in a wheelchair. Her husband cared for her and the last two years of her life was a living hell by the sounds of it. I hadn’t seen her in the last two years, so when I heard about her death I was in shock. She had been quite frail when I knew her, and I met her through a friend who has MS too. I met with her MS friends early on when I was diagnosed, we’d meet for lunch and they’d catch up with each other and I usually sat and listened. I enjoyed being a part of this little group though. It was lovely to hear about the plans they all had for the future and things they had done in the past. We’d chat about progressions in MS research we’d heard and shared diet tips. I was in my MS diet full swing by the time we last met… I feel bad that I couldn’t make it to her funeral.
Getting back to the contemplation part, I have decided to make the most of life. To not wait for opportunities to arrive, to not keep something for a special occasion, to never give up. My life’s motto now will be Carpe Diem! Seize the day! (Thanks to my Year 11 Literature teacher for showing us Dead Poets Society). I know a lot of people have this motto, I’m not going to be selfish, I will just make the most of my life and make it worth living. I’m currently doing my vision board and will have to add Seize the Day to it! I need to remain positive to have a positive outlook to life!
Today is day 1 of my new life! My current lifestyle as of today, is healthier, fitter, more aware, less angry, less guilty (I had to add that one in) and more of what I enjoy! For some reason being a mum doesn’t mean you have to give up everything you like doing! You need to find a way to do things the things you love – find the time, do it with your child, do it while they are playing, do it once they are asleep, just do it whenever, wherever you can!!
This is my first entry! I’m nervous and excited to be sharing my life with you!
Hi! My name is Honnie and if you have already read my About Me page, you may already think you know a bit more about me. If you have, well done! “What is this blog about?” I hear you ask… well, it’s about me!! The title of my blog is Looking After Mum and that’s what I intend to do. One of my favourite sayings is that you can’t look after anyone with an empty cup, so this is about how I intend to use this year to fill up my cup a bit in order to be there for those I love. To give you a bit of a background into my life, I live in in a small Australian town with my gorgeous husband and equally (if not more) gorgeous son. If you are a numbers person, I’m 42 next week, my husband is 45 in May and my son is 3 in June. Yes, I like to count my chickens before they hatch… We are currently trying working on another little one to add to the clan, but we fear we may have missed that boat!
I started my University course for speech pathology when I was 30. I lost 30kgs, was working full time as a speechie and met a man who I felt might be the one. My life was starting to look great! 6 months after we started dating, I had a health scare where my speech went ‘funny’ and I couldn’t formulate proper sentences. After a few scans and an MRI, I was admitted to hospital for 8 days. It was a scary moment in my life. Being trained in how to read scans and which parts of the brain effects what functions, I was devastated to see that the whole language/speech center of the brain was under a white cloud of lesions. I had a hard talk with my then boyfriend about the diagnosis of multiple sclerosis and what that meant for our future. I gave him so many chances to change his mind and run. I had my second relapse six months after the first, the week before we had planned to go to Brisbane for a holiday (by car!). I had foot drop this time and the fatigue was debilitating, but we still went. I took a walking stick to help me get around Seaworld, and I slowly got better over the fortnight. We survived the holiday! We were married in the middle of 2013, and I fell pregnant shortly after our honeymoon. I gave birth to my beautiful son, who was 2 weeks late, 9lb3oz and delivered by c-section after a 30 hour labor. My husband and I have tried to remain positive about my diagnosis, not knowing what the future holds, and he is my best supporter and advocate.
This year I’m hoping to improve my health, lose 30kgs (again) and take back control of my life. I’m looking to pursue new endeavors this year, one being nail art and another being beauty/skin care and I want to get back into painting and/or photography ! I also want to spend more time with my son, who goes to family day care once a week. Monday will be my blogging days. I am currently looking into essential oils, whole food diets and other alternative therapies to help improve my health. Fingers crossed I find a perfect result for myself and I can feel confident in going off my Disease Modifying Drugs and feel normal again!
I’m hoping to meet new people and make new connections through my blogging. So say “hi” if you are reading this – and please don’t be shy and introduce yourself! I’m really new to blogging and don’t know fully how this works, so I hope I don’t frustrate myself and you along the way…
Over and out (or however is normal to sign off a blog) 😀 :p